If Only In My Dreams
by iambrittybear
Summary: This picks up from episode 2x10 "Not Like This". One shift can change your life. It was supposed to be their final shift, but it wasn't going to be after all. It was going to be one shift that changed everything though in more ways than one.
1. Chapter One

_**Chapter One**_

Faint and occasional beeps. The padding of feet. Hushed whispers. Light snores from some of her co-workers. Dawson took it all in. Those were just some of the sounds around the fairly quiet emergency room. This was single handedly the longest night of her life and that was an intense statement coming from a Chicago Fire Department paramedic.

She glanced over at her best friend, the blonde's head lightly resting on her shoulder as she slept. She eased Shay's head back against the wall and pushed herself out of the chair. She made her way down the hallway and to the door. The shade was pulled down now and she could no longer see him. She put her hand against the window, shivering slightly at the cold glass. She pressed her forehead against the glass and listened. She heard some light and occasional conversation which she assumed was the doctors as they paced themselves through a long and difficult surgery.

A tear slipped down her cheek as she fought back a dull sob. Her emotions were shot, all she had done was cry. She barely had any tears left.

"I'm here Matt" she breathed

"He knows sweetheart" the voice came

Gabby glanced over her shoulder, forcing a small smirk "I thought you were sleeping"

"I was" she answered

Gabby turned towards the blonde "How much longer do you think it could take?"

Shay sighed "I don't know, it's been a couple of hours"

Gabby nodded "It feels like ten"

Shay stepped towards Dawson and reached out to her arm, squeezing it lightly "Come on"

"What? Where? No. Shay." Dawson protested as the blonde looped her arm through Dawson's and led her down the hallway.

They turned a corner and then entered a small waiting room. Shay walked Dawson over to a small table "Sit"

Gabby obliged and Shay went over to the vending machine. She dug a couple dollars out of her pocket and put it into the machine. A few minutes later, two hot cups of coffee were ready. She walked back over to the table where Dawson sat. She placed the cups down and sat down opposite her friend. She slid a cup toward Gabby who took the small cup into her hands.

Shay brought the cup to her lips "It'll help"

Gabby followed suit. Sipping the hot beverage and letting it warm her insides.

"So I've been a bit out of the loop lately and we weren't exactly talking" Shay paused "So when did it change, you and Casey?"

Dawson shrugged slightly, looking down at her cup.

"You can't keep it from me; I saw you two holding hands this morning as you walked into work" Shay smirked

Gabby smiled slightly before glancing back up to her friend "Everything was so perfect and now it's not"

Shay took a deep breath "He's going to be fine Gabby, he's Matt, nothing keeps him down for long"

"But seriously" Shay hesitated "How long have you guys been hiding this?"

"Almost a month" Gabby answered

"Wow well…" Shay trailed off as she saw Severide darken the doorstep

Gabby spun in her chair to look at him.

"He made it through surgery, the doctor is coming out with an update" he informed them

Gabby nearly jumped out of her seat and hurried past Severide. Shay followed suit as the three made their way back towards the waiting area. Everyone was awake now even though they still looked half asleep.

Gabby leaned against the wall as Shay and Kelly stood next to her.

"Gabriella" the doctor stated as she appeared in front of them

"Doctor" Gabby breathed

"He made it through surgery and he's in recovery now. We were able to relieve the pressure on the brain by removing the hematoma through the craniotomy. We had a bit of a set back, due to the swelling. There was another minor bleed, but we were able to stem it" she explained in detail

Gabby nodded "So now what"

"More waiting unfortunately" she responded "We won't know until he wakes up and the swelling goes down. Then we can run more tests and map out a course of action, if needed. Sometimes everything we did in surgery is enough and it just takes a little rest. There's just no way to know right now" she told her

Severide cleared his throat "What are the chances of permanent injury or brain damage?"

The red head looked towards him "Nothing astronomical"

"Do you know a number or a percentage?" Shay interrupted

The doctor nodded "It's about 15 to 20 percent"

"Can I see him?" Gabby wondered

The doctor looked back to her "They'll be moving him to a room shortly. I can take you there and you can wait if you'd like, but only one at a time. We're not even supposed to do that unless it's immediate family, but I won't say anything if you don't"

Gabby took a deep breath "Thank you"

She nodded "Give me a minute and I'll take you to the room, okay?"

"Okay" Gabby answered

"Thanks again Doc" Severide added

She glanced back towards him "Your welcome"

She looked around the room, catching the glimpses of all the other eyes in the room. They didn't say anything, but there was enough of a mutual understanding.

She headed down the hallway and Gabby turned towards everyone.

"You should all get back and get some rest" she suggested

Shay shook her head "I'm not leaving you"

"Me either" Severide agreed

"I'm fine" she insisted

Chief Boden stood up "Gabriella, are you sure?"

She looked toward him "I promise to keep you guys updated if anything changes"

"Pinky promise?" Cruz piped in

She chuckled slightly as she turned her attention to him "Yes"

* * *

Gabby paced the empty room nervously. It had been forever since the doctor had left her. She had told Gabby that he'd be up within ten minutes, surely it had been longer than ten minutes by now, right?

What if something had happened? What if he crashed or spiked or…?

"Stop" she scolded herself

She took a deep breath as she forced herself to stop pacing and to sit down in the chair in the corner of the room. She rested her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands.

She glanced up as she heard the rolling wheels of the bed. His bed was turned into the room and positioned slowly.

She watched with baited breath as she took him in. He was pale and asleep, but she took comfort in the slow and steady rising of his chest.

She glanced towards the transportation associate. He offered her a smile as he locked the brakes on the bed. She tried to smile back, but instead she just nodded.

"Thank you" she whispered

"Have a good night ma'am" he stated before making his exit

She sat frozen in the chair, staring at his practically motionless body. He was still on his side, his face not more than five feet away. He looked a little more comfortable now as his head was just resting on a pillow. He looked relaxed and peaceful.

She took a long, deep breath and stood up slightly as she dragged her chair even closer to his bed.

She reached out to his free hand, taking it into hers. It didn't feel the same without his hand squeezing back and his fingertips lightly brushing over her knuckles as he always did.

She licked her lips "I'm so sorry about how we left things Matt"

She glanced down at their entwined hands "If you don't want me to be a firefighter, I won't be. I just want us to be okay. I need for us to be okay. I can't lose you again!"

She looked back up "I love you so much Matt Casey"

She leaned in and kissed his cheek before dropping her head to lay down next to their entwined hands. And so the waiting began.

* * *

"You lied" his playful voice came

Shay glanced up from the bench she was sitting on "Don't scold me for stealing cookies from the cookie jar as your hand is still in it"

Kelly laughed "What?"

Shay smiled "My mom used to always say that, what I meant is, you lied too"

Severide shrugged his coat off his shoulders "I just couldn't leave"

Shay nodded as he placed his coat around her shoulders and sat down next to her "Me either"

He wrapped his arm around her and she nestled against his side "We'll wait together"

* * *

**Please review. Should I continue? Let me know.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**- Britt**


	2. Chapter Two

_**Chapter Two**_

Severide's eyelids fluttered opened as he glanced around the now brightly lit space. He shifted slightly, his attention going to the blonde with her head in his lap. He rocked his neck from side to side, stretching it out. His hand came to rest on top of Shay's blonde hair. His other hand reached for his cell phone sitting on the arm of the couch.

He had five new messages. He browsed through them. Nothing from Dawson.

"Kelly" her tired voice came

He glanced down at her as she turned her head to look up at him "Huh?"

"Any news?" she breathed

He caressed her soft blonde locks in his hand "No"

She sighed and pushed herself up off of him. She stood up and stretched.

"Maybe we should go check on her" Shay suggested

"I think so too" Kelly agreed as he stood up and tucked his cell phone in his pants pocket "But first let's find you a rest room, you look like hell"

He started to turn away from her and she kicked her leg up, catching him in the back of the thigh with her foot "Ass"

He glanced back over his shoulder "I didn't say you didn't look beautiful still"

She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him "Your still an ass"

"Yeah" he sighed "But I'm a damn pretty ass"

She shook her head "You can go"

He reached his hand out to her "Come on robin, let's go jump in the bat mobile and ride off to save the day"

She smirked "Fine, but your robin. My ass is batman"

She took his hand and pulled him along after her as he chuckled.

* * *

"Miss" the hushed voice came

Gabby's head snapped up off the bed, her eyes adjusting the light and the short, older woman before her "Is it Matt?"

She turned from the woman to look up at him. He hadn't moved. He looked the exact same, maybe a little paler in the bright lights of the day. She looked back to the woman.

"I'm sorry to bother you" she whispered "I'm Matthew's nurse, Karen. We came in to get another round of blood, unfortunately the IV in his other hand isn't drawing. So we're going to have to try his other hand. I'm sorry to wake you. I know it's been a long night"

Gabby cleared her throat and pushed herself out of the chair. She pushed it backwards somewhat "That's okay, I'll step out and maybe grab a cup of coffee"

Karen smiled softly "There's a little pantry right next to the nurses station, it has coffee, tea, soft drinks, and even some graham crackers, granola bars, etc. Please help yourself dear"

Gabby offered a light smile "Thank you"

She turned back to Matt and leaned in, kissing his forehead softly "I'll be right back baby"

She turned back to the nurse, nodding slowly before making her exit from the room. She headed down the hallway, eyeing the nurses station as she came to a stop in front of a small, narrow room. She stepped inside and walked up to the counter. She grabbed a small cup and then the coffee pot and filled the small cup with the hot liquid. She put the coffee pot back and took a sip of her coffee. She eyed the assortment of crackers, granola bars, and even mini-muffins.

"Gab" Shay's voice caught her attention

Dawson turned to find Shay and Severide in the doorway. She smiled "You guys are back already?"

"We kinda never left" Severide confessed

Dawson took a few steps towards them and they backed up so she could exit the small room, back into the quiet and empty hallway.

"Seriously?" she wondered

Shay shrugged her shoulders "Just in case you needed us, we wanted to be here"

Severide nodded "Matt's my best friend even though we don't act like it"

Gabby smiled softly "I know"

Severide took a deep breath "Things haven't really been the same for us since Andy died. It's like we lost our Curly and then Mo and Larry were gone too"

Shay laughed "Which ones Mo and which ones Larry?"

Severide grinned "As soon as he wakes up, I'm going to make it all up to him. Life's too short to spend it without your best friend by your side"

Gabby's eyes filled with tears as she looked to Shay "I agree"

Shay returned Gabby's knowing smile "So anything new?"

Gabby sighed "No. The nurse came in and had to draw blood from his other hand because the IV in his right hand stopped drawing"

Shay nodded "I would assume a doctor or something would be in at some point with an update"

"They made it seem last night like it was just a waiting game" Gabby responded

"I suck at waiting" Severide chimed in

"Don't we all" Shay agreed

"Are you hungry Dawson? Do you maybe want to go down to the cafeteria and get some breakfast?" Severide suggested

She shook her head and took another sip of her coffee "I don't want to leave him. I was just giving the nurse a few minutes with him. Besides I don't think I could keep anything down"

Shay chewed on her bottom lip "Casey wouldn't want you to make yourself sick, he's going to be fine"

Gabby nodded slowly "Tell you what, I'm going to head back. You guys go get some breakfast and bring me back something. I promise I'll eat a few bites"

"Gabby" Shay groaned

"Shay" Severide breathed "This is Dawson we're talking about when she offers a compromise, we have to take it. Her stubborn butt isn't going to give in anymore"

This forced a laugh from Gabby "He's right"

Shay smiled "Okay, we'll be back"

Shay closed the difference between them and gave her a hug. She pulled back and held her forearms. "Call us if anything comes up"

Gabby nodded "I will"

Shay stepped back and Severide reached his hand up, rubbing Gabby's shoulder.

"I promise" she reiterated

The two turned and disappeared down the hallway. Gabby watched them go before turning around and heading back towards Matt's room. She came to a stop in the doorway. The nurse was now gone and Matt was still laying on his side. She walked further into the room and over to the side of his bed. She pulled the chair up close again and sat down. She finished the last of her coffee and tossed it in the trash can behind her.

She leaned forward, her fingertips brushing across the blonde hair on his hair line. She eyed the gauze bandages just above his ear and covering towards the back of his skull.

Her fingertips traced down his forehead and across his closed eyes lid before settling downward and cupping his cheek in her hand. She leaned in further, resting her forehead against his, her eyelids fluttering shut. She took a deep breath even with everything he'd been through he still smelled like Matt.

"I had this dream" she breathed "And everything was perfect again"

Her eyelids fluttered open and she pulled back slightly "I don't want to ever argue again or disagree"

She licked her lips "I know that's pretty unrealistic, but I just hate seeing anything but that perfect smirk on your lips"

"Gabriella" the doctor interrupted

Gabby turned her attention to the smiling doctor in the doorway as she stepped into the room.

"Hi" Gabby breathed

"Did you get some rest?" she inquired

Gabby nodded "A little"

"Good" she responded

Gabby took a deep breath "How is he?"

She smiled "His vitals are excellent and the frequency test we did this morning…"

"Frequency test?" Gabby interrupted

The doctor smiled "You were sleeping and it's very short and quiet, we didn't want to disturb you"

"Oh" Gabby answered

"His test results show a lot of activity. He's healing Gabriella. We assume he'll be waking up soon and then we'll run some more tests; check the swelling, etc" she explained

"But everything looks good?" Gabby questioned

"So far, so good" she smiled

Gabby let out a long sigh "Thank you so much doctor"

"Hang in their honey, your doing good" she offered before making her exit

Gabby turned her attention back to Matt, a bright smile displayed across her lips.

She shook her head slowly "What I wouldn't give to see those beautiful blues eyes of yours Matt Casey"

She crossed her hands and rested her head on them as her eyelids shut and she continued to pray.

A few minutes passed and the motion on the bed stirred her from her deep thoughts. She looked up, her mouth agape as she watched his furrowed brow as he stirred.

His eyes were still shut, but he was waking up. She couldn't stop the bright smile as it spread across her face.

"Matt" she breathed

She inhaled sharply as his eyelids fluttered open, his crystal blues eyes meeting her dark chocolate brown eyes.

"Yeah" he whispered, his voice cracked and tired

"Matt" she shuttered, her eyes filling with tears.

His eyes settled more intently on her as he studied her, he cleared his throat "Do I know you?"

* * *

**Please review. I need to know what you guys are thinking.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**- Britt**


	3. Chapter Three

_**Chapter Three**_

Gabby blinked. Her heart sunk in her chest. Her breath caught in her throat. Those four words replaying themselves over in her head, again and again. _Do I know you?_

"Matt" she hesitated "I don't find this funny"

His eyes were trained on her and she could tell by the look on his face, her usual joking and wise boyfriend, was being dead serious. She gasped as if someone had suddenly and physically grabbed her heart and squeezed it in her chest. Her hand went to her lips; he wasn't kidding.

His eyes fell, he looked like a lost puppy "I'm sorry"

Her hands were shaking. Her breathing was rigid. She didn't know what to do. Her eyes were welling up with tears. She looked down, wringing her hands together as she tried to steady her breathing.

"Oh my god Kelly" she heard Shay gasp "He's awake"

Shay and Severide rounded the corner into the small room. Matt's head turned towards them, instantly groaning at the sharp movement.

As Shay and Severide came into the room, they immediately knew something was wrong.

Shay looked at her best friend who refused to pick up her head and acknowledge her. She looked back to Matt. He was staring at them intently.

"Casey" Severide smiled "It's so good to see you awake man"

Matt stared at him "Thanks"

Shay glanced between Matt and Gabby. Her confusion growing. Her eyes settled on Matt as he looked between the three of them.

"Do you feel okay Casey?" Shay wondered

Matt took a deep breath "I'm really sorry, but I don't know who you are"

Shay's mouth fell open, the small take out container in her hand falling from her fingertips and hitting the floor with a thud.

Severide hesitated "Casey…Matt…you don't know who we are?"

Matt turned his attention to him, shaking his head slowly "No"

Gabby turned from them, taking off running out of the door. Shay watched her go and hesitated before taking off after her.

Severide watched them go and turned back to Matt. He took a deep breath and walked towards the chair next Matt's bed. He sat down slowly, rubbing his thighs with the palms of his hands. He took another deep breath and looked up to meet Matt's waiting eyes.

"I'm Kelly Severide. You can call me Severide or Kelly" he whispered

Matt nodded slowly "Okay"

Severide laughed nervously "It feels really awkward not knowing what to say to you"

Matt cleared his throat, sitting up straighter in bed. He winced slightly.

"Do you need me to get a doctor? Maybe they should know you're awake" Severide suggested

"No" Matt groaned as he settled himself "Not yet"

Severide nodded in response "Okay"

"Are we friends?" Matt paused "Brothers? Lovers? Am I gay now?"

Severide had to laugh as he looked at the clueless expression on his friend's face "Friends…best friends…at least we were"

"Were?" Matt questioned

"Um" Severide paused "Our best friend, Andy, was killed just over a year ago. Since then, our friendship has been strained and…I should stop"

"No" Matt protested

"It's a lot of information and we don't have to talk about it now" Severide told him "You've been through a lot Matt"

"How did Andy die?" Matt asked

"A fire" Severide responded

Matt stared at him "I'm a firefighter"

"Yes" Severide nodded "So am I, so was Andy. He died in the line the of duty. Do you remember? What do you remember?"

Matt shook his head slowly "A few things, but they're really foggy. I remember being a firefighter and my mom. She's in jail for killing my father and my sister Christie hates me"

Severide listened "Well it's a start. Your mom's out on parole now and Christie doesn't hate you. You guys have worked a lot of things out. You also have a niece now, Violet"

"How old?" he wondered

Severide shrugged his shoulders "I don't really know…7...8...9...maybe 10"

"It doesn't ring a bell" Matt whispered

"Do you have any idea how far back you remember? What's the last thing you remember?" Severide wondered

"I don't know" Matt hesitated "What I do remember is unclear and distant almost like it's not real"

"Okay" Severide replied

"Kelly…Severide" Matt sighed "What do you prefer?"

Severide smiled slightly "Severide"

"Severide" Matt paused "How did this happen to me? What happened to me?"

"It was an apartment fire. The building was starting to collapse, so our chief ordered us out. You went back for a woman's baby and on your way out, a beam collapsed. The blunt trauma caused a epidural hematoma and from what I got from Shay they had to go in and remove the hematoma to release the pressure on your brain and skull" Severide explained

"So is that why I don't remember anything or anyone?" Matt questioned

Severide shrugged his shoulders "I don't know man. I'm not a doctor by any stretch of the imagination. We were more worried about brain damage, amnesia really wasn't even discussed"

"The girls" Matt sighed "That were in here"

"Leslie Shay and Gabriella Dawson" Severide informed him "But don't call Shay, Leslie, unless you want another force of blunt trauma to the head"

Matt laughed slightly "Noted"

"Sorry, bad joke" Severide trailed off

"No" Matt shook his head "I lost my memory, I'm not a baby. I'm trusting you to not handle me with kid gloves, please"

Severide smiled "I can do that"

"So, the blonde is Shay and the other one is Gabriella Dawson" Matt stated

"Yeah" Severide nodded "She goes by Gabby or Dawson, usually Dawson at the house"

"House? Like the firehouse?" Matt questioned "Is she a firefighter too?"

"Paramedic, both Shay and Dawson are. And technically, you're a Lieutenant"

"Oh. Okay" Matt soaked it all in "And Dawson, she's my?"

Severide raised his eyebrows at his friend "That's a good question"

Matt eyed him "It's just when I woke up, she was here and the things she was saying as I was waking up…"

"Shay tells me she's your girlfriend now" Severide interrupted "That you guys have been keeping it pretty hush, hush the last month as it was still new and you work together"

"So were new boyfriend/girlfriend then?" Matt wondered

"Technically, if what Shay told me is true. But honestly even through Hallie and Mills and whoever. Everyone has always known it was Casey and Dawson" Severide trailed off

Matt licked his lips "Wait? Hallie? Mills?"

Severide sighed "I'm sorry. Um. Hallie is your ex-fiancé who passed away a few months back. Mills is a co-worker of ours, a fellow firefighter, he and Dawson dated for like 6 months"

"Wow" Matt breathed "I hope there won't be a quiz on this tomorrow"

"Casey" Severide stated "I really think I should go get a doctor to check you out, maybe they'll have some more Intel about your memory loss"

Matt nodded slowly "Okay"

* * *

Shay walked through the big sliding doors, her best friend standing a few feet in front of her. She walked up to her slowly, taking in the snow falling around them. Dawson had been outside a while, she had quite a bit on her clothes.

"I've been looking all over for you" Shay whispered

Dawson didn't respond as Shay came to stand next to her. She took in her tear stained cheeks, her eyes looking upwards toward the sky, her arms gripped tightly around her own body.

Shay reached her arm around her "Gabby"

Gabby let out a whimper as she turned her head to look at the blonde before letting her head crash against her shoulder. Sobs racked her body as she turned towards her and Shay completely enveloped the brunette in her arms. Her hands rubbed up and down her back slowly.

"I don't know what to do" Gabby sobbed

Shay held her head against Gabby's as she hugged her tightly.

"Your going to cry and let it all out because you need to" Shay paused "Then we're going to go back in there and figure everything out"

"How?" Gabby choked out "How can this be happening?"

Shay pulled herself back, taking her best friend's face in her hands "Don't you dare"

"Shay" Gabby cried

"Don't you dare" Shay repeated "Casey is alive and that's what counts. The rest will fall into place, it always does, and it will this time too"

She pulled her back into her embrace and tightened her grip around the shorter girl. Gabby shook violently in Shay's arms, so she tightened her hold on her. They'd figure this all out. Somehow.

* * *

**Thoughts? Let me know what you think, please?**

**Thanks for reading!**

**- Britt**


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